I am so unbelievably scared of losing her

You know how in most lives there is that one person that you legitimately know you will not be able to function without? Usually it's like a mom, or a best friend, something like that. Well in my case it's my grandmother. I am nearly positive I can survive without everyone I know, but I don't know what'd I'd do without my grandmother. She means the world to me, she practically raised me.

And yet, sometimes I feel like I lost her already. Up until I was 16, my grandmother would stay at my house during the week and take care of all of us, basically, and then go home to her house in south jersey for the weekend. It's been like that, literally, my entire life. When she turned 80, she said it was time for her to retire, so she went home that summer pretty much heart broken. Honestly, we all were.

But then she met her new husband.

I'm not going to lie, Jack is great. He's a gentleman, he adores her, he likes all of us, we all like him, everything's fine and dandy. They were married on 11/11/11 like the uber dorks that they are. I was honestly over the moon for both of them, but then my grandmother moved to Delaware permanently, began traveling all over the US to go to jazz concerts and just see the country, and I basically never see her. I realize this is to be expected and I still see her on holidays, but life without Jamom went from her calling every week, to me calling her as often as I could (not always with an answer). It's like she's too busy to talk to me anymore, and I'm kinda worried.

What if the next minute she's gone, and the last time I talked to her was Christmas. My grandmother is 83 goddamn years old. She is not exactly in her healthiest state, and I'm always worrying whenever I do something big that she will never get to see it. I don't even think she knows I've been accepted into college yet. I don't want her to be alone and unhappy, but sometimes I want the Jamom that would always be there. The one that taught me about honesty and love and how it can change.

And shit, I miss her food. My mom can't cook worth a damn.

Point is, I'm scared of losing her before I will have a chance to say goodbye. Any of you guys have a person like that?

Well, for me I'd say that's probably my mother. She's clearly the main reason I am who I am. I got my love of history and literature from her as well as my confusing eye color and boxy German head. We go to civil war reenactments together, we play Assassin's Creed together, and she does her best to debate politics with me. I owe a lot to this woman, and i know she's not going anywhere anytime soon, but I'll be going somewhere once I finish college. It won't be without some guilt. Hopefully it works out in a way that I can visit often, and hopefully she lives long enough to vote for me when I run for president. hehe.

None of my grandparents lived long enough for me to build a real relationship with them. The last one passed away before I finished middle school. Though after seeing the pictures, the letters, and with the few memories I have of him, I can say with confidence that me and my mother's father would have had something like you have with your grandmother, Froof. He was an inspiring character. His father was a German cavalry officer who emigrated to the states shortly before WWI to build the house I'm currently sitting in, and he did his own service in the U.S. Navy during WWII. My mother always describes him as an intelligent man and a caring father and husband, and I've seen for myself that he had a keen fashion sense and a bit of an artistic side. What I remember most vividly is sitting on his knee as he taught me how to sculpt little animals out of silly putty. I want to learn more. I just wish I could ask him myself. He died while I was still in elementary school. I got the chance to say goodbye, but I was too young to understand. It felt like any other visit except that time he couldn't get out of bed. I wish I remembered what he said to me.

She hasn't forgotten about you. You will lose her eventually, but you'll have the chance to say goodbye. And you'll be old enough to remember her words and write them down for children of your own.